The Turning Of A Page

But those who wait on the Lord
Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.
Isaiah 40:31


I feel like the winds have finally changed. I feel as though we are getting over the hump of our hardships. Thanks to some encouraging words and nudging (thanks Fred), I finally stopped participating in my own pity party.


The first thing that I did was look up another MOPS group. At this time of year, MOPS is coming to an end, but I figured that I could still register for next fall and have something to look forward to. Most importantly, I wanted to find a church that hosted it where my family could worship and fellowship again. Up until a couple of weeks ago, our family continued to feel as though we had not yet found our home church. We had visited many in our area, but had yet to find that one.


Once I found Cross Timbers Church via the MOPS web locator, I knew I found a place worth trying. And one after one visit, I knew we were finally home. Everyone was casual, welcoming, and most importantly, real. There was no stuffiness or rehearsed feeling about anyone or anything. So, I signed us up for a small group knowing full well that we needed to jump right in and begin to finding our place.


Our first small group meeting was this last Sunday and to say the least, it was awesome. In fact, I know that we are exactly where God intends us to be. Our conversations went something like this.... (note that this church is about a 15 minute drive from our house.)


Gail (Small Group Leader): So, where do you guys live?
Me: We're in the Villages of Woodland Springs community.
Gail: Oh, we are too! We're around the food streets...we're off of Macaroon.
Me: You're kidding me?!? We live on Macaroon!
Gail: Oh my gosh...we're on the corner of Macaroon and Rum! Where do you live?
Me: On the corner of Macaroon and Angel Food.
Gail: You're the house with the big blue truck. I see you all the time. Your boys are constantly outside playing baseball. I drive the red Sunfire convertible.
Me: Oh my...I'm constantly pulling out in front of you as I take Jason to school.
Gail: Yes, that's right....I see you too and think, "Oh good, at least I'm not the only one running late!" [insert laughter]. Well, most of our small group actually lives on Macaroon too. In fact, here are Don and Terry-Jo.
Me, upon recognizing Terry Jo's face: I know you! I met you at the pool last summer. You were pregnant with your third child...you have two girls and I think one of them shares the same birthday with my oldest son. I remember being so excited to meet a potential friend, but then we never saw each other at the pool again. I was so bummed.
Terry Jo: You live by us?!? Oh how weird is that?
Gail: These are the big blue truck people on the corner.
Terry Jo: Ok...you're the ones with the boys who are always outside playing baseball.
Don (Terry Jo's Husband): Oh yeah, you guys are the ones with the two dogs. They got out one time and I called you but you were out of town. I talked with your husband about how they got out and how I was going to fix the fence for you cause you were in Arizona or someplace like that.
Kenny: That was you? Oh man, I've been wanting to personally thank you for that but never knew where you lived....how weird is this.
Me: This is a bit beyond coincidental, don't you think?
Don, to Kenny: So what do you do, man?
Kenny: I work over for American Airlines...I'm a mechanic.
Don: Ok, so you know (forgot his name) across the street from you?
Kenny: Yeah, I do...but he works out of DFW and I'm at AFW.
Don: Alright....yeah, I know someone who works out of AFW, but they work back in the corner by the test cells. (AFW base area is similar to 20 city blocks.)
Kenny: Yeah, that's where I work. [insert more boring conversation about aviation]
Don: I'm actually in the Navy with about 2 years left before retirement. I'm almost done with my degree in Professional Aeronautics from Embry Riddle.
Kenny: I was in the Navy for 8 years, but got out when Heather and I got married. I went to Embry Riddle too...in fact I have the same degree that you're going for...but mine is an Associates.
Gail: Hey Chris (another Macaroon resident), this is Kenny and Heather. They live on Macaroon too. They're the big blue truck house. They're joining our small group.
Chris: Oh yeah, you guys are the ones with the boys who play baseball outside all the time and they're always running around in their underwear.
Me: Yes, that would be us. (Make mental note to check for clothes before children run outside in the future.)


And so went the evening. More puzzle pieces were connected and all in all, the evening was too perfectly orchestrated to be chalked up as coincidence.


As we left, I felt as though an elephant had finally been lifted off of my chest. All I can do is praise God for a crystal clear answer to my many heart-cried prayers.

Dressing Room Reflections

A handful of days ago, I was almost done with a post when my stinkin' laptop crashed and I lost it all. So, let's see if this goes any better. Same subject, just more material....

I don't know which flaw is more detrimental to my well being: the fact that I am a horrible procrastinator or the fact that I am completely OCD with a dash of ADD. Today, I'd like to ponder my OCD/ADD tendencies and how they came into play with my weight loss goals.

A few months ago, I had unwavering determination to lose 25 pounds by this month. I knew that this was the month that I'd most likely be shopping for a new swimsuit and did not want to purchase the same size suit that I purposely threw away three months ago. So I set out with knowledge, determination and a fool-proof plan that would deliver me to my goal. And had I stuck with that plan, I probably wouldn't have had to experience the self-loathing that I did as I purchased my swimsuit last night. I don't think I need to tell you that I haven't lost any of the weight that I set out to.


I was actually doing quite well for the first month. I was exercising regularly, had toned up quite a bit and really felt great physically. Then my parents came into town for a visit. Next thing I know, one day of missed exercise and healthy eating turned into two which turned into seven which turned into sixty-plus.

This is where the OCD/ADD comes into play. You see, I will obsess over any one thing for days...even months, as long as nothing else comes along to detract me from that one thing. This is a mixed blessing. It makes me good at anything that I set out to do....that is, if I complete it. You see, that dash of ADD usually kicks in and sets me on a detour. So, if I'm on an exercise regime, I'm usually good up until something else comes along that captures my attention and obsession.

I'm hoping that the horrific dressing room reflections that have been burned into my memory will be enough motivation to get my obsessive tendencies focused on my health once again. I know this is something that I can accomplish and that I need to do for my own sanity's sake. I just hope that the small ADD tendencies that I have don't kick in and............oh look, a chicken!

Stuck in a funk

I've been in a funk for the last month and can't seem to snap out of it. I can't pinpoint one exact reason for the foul mood. I know that the house still not selling is a major stress point in my life. That combined with the fact that I am extremely home sick are probably the major contributing factors. Anyway, I'm tired of being in this funk and wish that I would just snap out of it.

Our house in Reno is still on the market and we still have the same potential buyers on the line. Apparently they are very interested in submitting an offer, but can't do so until another offer that they submitted on a foreclosure gets cancelled by the bank holding the note. All the while, we wait on pins and needles wondering if these are the people who will actually purchase it.

I don't know how much longer we can ride this out. Kenny, on average, is working 60-70 hours a week. The ripple effect is that by the end of his day, he is exhausted and I am at the end of my rope from handling the boys and the house. He comes home and tries to help out...he's such a good husband and father. And I repay him by either withdrawing emotionally from him or by lashing out over piddly items that aren't worth bickering over in the grand scheme of things.

Proverbs 13:12 says, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fullfilled is the tree of lfe." Right now, I can completely embrace this truth as absolute. My heart is sick...very very sick. Hope for us has been deferred for over a year now. And I feel like everything hinges on the selling of our house.

I don't really go out and make attempts to foster new friendships. That fact alone has been poison for my attitude. For my sanity's sake, I need the fellowship of friends. However, I have no desire to make new ones here. I feel myself holding back....almost in fear of cheating on my friends in Reno. I think somewhere deep down, I feel as though if I make new friends here in Texas, I will be lessening the value of their friendships. Ironically, one of my best friends (I have four: Raquel, Cyndi, Kristen and Erin) sent me a beautiful and uplifting card telling me how much she longs to hear that I have made new friends. That thought alone brings tears to my eyes....she is so selfless.

I guess the bottom line is that I'm lonely here and have been throwing my own little pity party. When I take a step back and look at what God has blessed us with here in Texas, I just want to kick myself for complaining......We are sitting at the cusp of having the opportunity to buy a home close to outright. The schools that my children will and are attending are top notch. I now have family in the same city...something that I have desperately wanted for years. Kenny has a great job with fantastic benefits. I have the opportunity to open my own photography business. This area is culturally rich. We still fly for free and can always go back home to visit our friends. There are so many blessings sitting in my lap.....so why am I so miserable? Someone, please slap me!

Not In Kansas Anymore

I was looking forward to getting away by myself for the weekend. No kids, no husband; just me and my thoughts. It would be a good time to catch up on some web work that I have drastically fallen behind on. Most importantly, it was a chance to get a much needed break away from everything. Such was the plan when I boarded the plane to Phoenix on Friday.


Robb & Marie asked me a couple of months ago to come out and help cover a show for them in Phoenix while they were away in Missouri at another show. I pretty much jump at every chance to help them do a show since I really do enjoy the work. It's hard physical work, but I love it. Anyway, the show was slated for Saturday...just a one day show. That gave me plenty of down time to work on their website and some of my pictures that I need to get ordered.

After I got settled in at Robb & Marie's house Friday afternoon, I tackled the website. I'd like to say that I got a lot done, but I didn't. This PHP language is not as straightforward as HTML. And I hate coming in and editing something that I didn't write myself. It's almost easier to just start from scratch, which is the idea that I'm toying with right now. Anyway, my intentions of knocking out a lot of work on the website didn't come to pass as I had hoped they would. I spent much of Friday afternoon and evening taking 1 step forward and 2 steps back. But hey, it was still productive considering the learning experience.


Saturday was the day of the show. Considering that I was in Phoenix, I was prepared for the heat. I knew it would be a scorcher. I had heard earlier that they were expecting triple digits. So I was very pleased to find that the pop up tents that we brought along provided much more shade than the flimsy tents that the show's promoter had offered. Score one for us....not only would we benefit personally by having extra shade, it would most likely bring in more customers as the heat drove them to find refuge.


After laboring for 3 short hours to get our store set up, DJ and I patted ourselves on the back for a job well done. It actually looked like we knew what we were doing. And so, right on time, the gates opened and the concert-goers began to populate the stadium. We were expecting about 3,500 people; a small show by some standards, but more than enough to hopefully clear out the inventory so as to make room for the new line.

Traffic into our booth seemed pretty steady. As DJ began airbrushing tatoos onto young kids, I manned the register and helped out on the floor. It appeared as though the day would be seamless...until.


One of our customers had mentioned that it looked like rain was heading our way. So, I poked my head out of the tent to take a look at what was behind us. I was not expecting what I saw.


It was almost as if there was a was a distinct line that seperated the blue sky from the black clouds that were heading our way. There was no transitional grey color....just blue sky and then black sky.


I pulled DJ out so that he could see what I was looking at and we both decided that the best thing to do would be to bring the outside gear inside the tents to protect them from the inevitable rain. Just as we got that completed, we glanced again at the sky only to find that the black color had turned to brown and we were in the direct path of a dust storm.


No sooner had that realization hit us when the actual dust storm did too.


Along with DJ and several customers, I grabbed a tent support pole hoping that the strength of the storm was not greater than ours. However, once the aluminum support poles on the roof began to twist and rip apart, I knew that we would lose the battle.

At one point, the torn aluminum poles came very close to impaling our customers. That was quickly followed by grid panel lined with clothes falling at the legs of another customer who was desperately trying to help us keep everything together. It was then that we told everyone to drop their poles and let the storm have its way. There was absolutely no sense in taking the risk of injury for articles of clothes.

Yet, those who helped us did not abandon us at all. Instead, everyone teamed up to pile the clothing in the center of what use to be our store while others broke down the remaining support poles and gathered the tent material. I was moved by the amount of help that we received. People were getting sand blasted by the 51 mph winds, yet still determined to not abandon us.

After the dust settled, no pun intended, I chuckled to myself at the thought of what it must have looked like from the outside. Here were several of us, basically holding onto a parachute hoping beyond hope that the wind would not move us or destroy anything. That obviously wasn't meant to be.

While other vendors packed up and went home, we decided to stick it out. We no longer had tents or anything that resembled a store front. But we made do with what we had.

I wish I could say that business wise, it was a good day....but I don't believe that to be true. Out of the 3,500 expected concert-goers, I'd be surprised if there were more than 500 total.

However, deep down I know that the gear that we sold is bound to speak volumes to people. And even if one person has their life altered even in the slightest after wearing or reading an article of clothing that we sold on Saturday, it will all have been worth it.