We pulled out the tree tonight. This makes the second year in a row that the boys have decorated it completely themselves. (Letting go of my control issues has been freeing indeed.). Anyway, afterward Dallas told us that we (Kenny and I) should put fish hooks onto the backs of our shirts so that he could hang us on the tree because we were the most loved ornaments of all. /pride
I guess that's a good sign that Dallas isn't going to hold anything against me considering that I once again ripped the innocence out of one of my boys. He asked tonight about Santa and begged to know the truth. Forty five minutes of crying and 2 cookies later, he made the comment mentioned above. It was a bit relieving to hear, but this night will go down in history not for that comment, but instead as the night that the magic was taken away. :-(
Thursday, December 02, 2010
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Haiti
I'm ashamed to say it, but most of the time I really don't bother watching or reading the news. I'm sure on some level, it's because I don't want to hear about all of the chaos that surrounds us. Maybe it's a defense mechanism. Or maybe, I'm just too self centered and worried about my own little world. I'm so caught up in my own problems to consider those of real magnitude. Such was the case this morning as I scrolled through the Yahoo home page. I saw the leading story about Haiti and their earthquake, but purposefully didn't bother to read about the details. I went on to read about the Texas Longhorn QB who proposed to his girlfriend; then I found my way on to read about Sarah Palin's new gig with Fox. Yet in the back of my mind, I knew that the Haiti earthquake headline awaited me; I just didn't want to know the details.
It seemed at first glance that yet another earthquake had hit yet another impoverished country and that thousands were feared dead. Yet as long as I stay away from the details, it's just another sad chapter in history. The quake happened in a land far removed from my world and as long as I steered clear of the details, particularly the imagery, I could move on with my day. But I didn't...I clicked on the link, watched the news videos, examined the images...and here I sit, humbled and embarrassed and ashamed of my skewed version of hardship.
Last night, I tucked my boys into a warm bed knowing that they had food in the stomachs and a pantry full of food waiting for them in the morning. They would wake up to clean clothes, shoes for their feet and jackets to wear for their warmth. They would board a bus to spend a day learning how to read, write, analyze and problem solve. They will return safely home in about an hour to entertain themselves with activities which will include video games, computers, tv, books, ipods, sporting equipment, bikes, the list goes on and on. They will fill their bellies tonight with nutritional food that they will most certainly complain about. They will ask for dessert...and probably get some. They will bath with hot water, put on clean pajamas, brush their bi-annually inspected teeth, and climb back into a warm bed. They will fall asleep after prayer time and a little "shhh...mom's coming" goofing off. Yet, I still find things to fret over.
Why does it take a death of a loved one or a major catastrophe to put things into perspective. And how quickly we will return to business as usual once the proverbial dust settles.
I'm ashamed that I don't invest myself more into the concerns and hardships of others. I used to. I don't know why I don't as much anymore. Maybe at some point, the emotional drain of caring so much left me exhausted. And that thought leads me further into a deep reverence of God who never tires of being concerned over our welfare and hearts. How His heart must bleed for us. Now, in the wake of this devestation, what will His people do? What will I do? Most certainly, I will pray. But beyond that...will I go make a donation to the Red Cross? Will I do nothing more that toss this over and over in my mind and continue to pray? Or will I hold on to this moment and use it as a perspective reference? I suppose the right thing to do is to continue to pray and listen for God's prompting...and then act on it. Lord, soften my heart and speak to me. Give me the strength to follow through with what You ask of me. And Lord, please...please...comfort the people of Haiti.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Unsettled
I've been bored for the last several months. Not in so much as the "nothing to do" sort of boredom. One look around my life and anyone can see that there are plenty of things to do. Rather, it's a stirring of being unsettled. Something inside of me is bubbling up and to be honest, for months I haven't been able to pinpoint exactly what it is. I have often thought that it's just my attention deficit tendencies gearing up for my next project. But then, something comes over me and I realize that's not the case. This uneasiness is different. And I've tried to satiate it with further learning through books, with entertainment through games, with activity through cycling, with spiritual growth through fellowship and prayer......yet still, this uneasiness remains.
I'm not sure if I've pinpointed exactly what it is, but I do think that I've got a good idea what is happening.
The other day, I met my mother-in-law at McDonalds. She had Keegan and he told her that the needed to go to McDonalds for lunch. Not being one to disappoint her grandson, she happily took him there knowing full well that his intentions were to play more than they were to eat lunch. By the time I arrived, Keegan was in full playtime-mode. He maneuvered himself throughout the tunnels with ease. He hopped over floor obstacles like a refined track athlete leaping over hurdles. He laughed, he made friends, he laughed some more.
As I sat watching him, I started to survey the room. I noted that Keegan was one of the older children. Most all others were still in diapers. Many of them carried around their sippy cup. When an argument between two of the children broke out, there was lots of finger pointing followed by verbiage only their mothers could interpret. A few were beginning to rub their eyes indicating their need for a nap. And most every mother within the walls of this playland had that frazzled look. Their hair pulled back with wisps of a few strands going wild. Their shirts stained with sweet potatoes. And on their face was a pleasant expression with panic just below the surface. I could tell that these moms needed a nap too. They looked exhausted & confused, yet determined & self-empowered.
Then I saw myself. I sat there calm, content and at peace. I knew that my arsenal could handle anything that Keegan threw my way. Nothing frazzled me. I've done this for 9 years...sippy cups, diapers, mediation over who sat on the musical shoe first, drool, sleepless nights, teething, potty training, ABC's, and the self condemnation that seems to follow every mother like a shadow.
I wanted to say to all the other moms, "Come on, you can do this. It's only for a season and it's worth it. You made the right choice in deciding to stay at home. Don't give up. You're doing a great job. I made it, you can too! It does get easier, I promise!!" Instead, I would just smile with understanding when eye contact was made. And then it hit me......
Could this unsettled feeling that I have be the pains of transition? The turning of a page? For the last 9 years, there has always been a toddler in my lap. There has always been a butt to wipe, a boo-boo to kiss, a book to be read. Now, Keegan can navigate the tv and dvd player. He can play with his toys without having me there to watch. He doesn't need me as much. At least not as much as toddlers need their mom.
These last 9 years, my purpose and role has been very well defined. Now, I am at the cusp of a new chapter. And to be frank, I don't know where to take my first step. Do I return to work? If so, should it be full-time or part-time? Should I return to school? What is my purpose and role now? What skill-set do I need for this next chapter of parenting....well, besides my wooden spoon? Have I done a good job? Have I neglected my husband too much while focusing on babies/toddlers/pre-k'ers? At this point, I think I have more questions than answers.
One thing that I do have however, is a glimpse as to why I have been unsettled. I can see now that I have been searching for my new place...for my new role. I still don't know what that is. I still am apprehensive about making the wrong decisions. I still want to do what is best for my family.
Now that I see the closing of an old chapter and the beginning of a new one, I pray that I can celebrate my past victories and embrace my coming ones with confidence.
I'm not sure if I've pinpointed exactly what it is, but I do think that I've got a good idea what is happening.
The other day, I met my mother-in-law at McDonalds. She had Keegan and he told her that the needed to go to McDonalds for lunch. Not being one to disappoint her grandson, she happily took him there knowing full well that his intentions were to play more than they were to eat lunch. By the time I arrived, Keegan was in full playtime-mode. He maneuvered himself throughout the tunnels with ease. He hopped over floor obstacles like a refined track athlete leaping over hurdles. He laughed, he made friends, he laughed some more.
As I sat watching him, I started to survey the room. I noted that Keegan was one of the older children. Most all others were still in diapers. Many of them carried around their sippy cup. When an argument between two of the children broke out, there was lots of finger pointing followed by verbiage only their mothers could interpret. A few were beginning to rub their eyes indicating their need for a nap. And most every mother within the walls of this playland had that frazzled look. Their hair pulled back with wisps of a few strands going wild. Their shirts stained with sweet potatoes. And on their face was a pleasant expression with panic just below the surface. I could tell that these moms needed a nap too. They looked exhausted & confused, yet determined & self-empowered.
Then I saw myself. I sat there calm, content and at peace. I knew that my arsenal could handle anything that Keegan threw my way. Nothing frazzled me. I've done this for 9 years...sippy cups, diapers, mediation over who sat on the musical shoe first, drool, sleepless nights, teething, potty training, ABC's, and the self condemnation that seems to follow every mother like a shadow.
I wanted to say to all the other moms, "Come on, you can do this. It's only for a season and it's worth it. You made the right choice in deciding to stay at home. Don't give up. You're doing a great job. I made it, you can too! It does get easier, I promise!!" Instead, I would just smile with understanding when eye contact was made. And then it hit me......
Could this unsettled feeling that I have be the pains of transition? The turning of a page? For the last 9 years, there has always been a toddler in my lap. There has always been a butt to wipe, a boo-boo to kiss, a book to be read. Now, Keegan can navigate the tv and dvd player. He can play with his toys without having me there to watch. He doesn't need me as much. At least not as much as toddlers need their mom.
These last 9 years, my purpose and role has been very well defined. Now, I am at the cusp of a new chapter. And to be frank, I don't know where to take my first step. Do I return to work? If so, should it be full-time or part-time? Should I return to school? What is my purpose and role now? What skill-set do I need for this next chapter of parenting....well, besides my wooden spoon? Have I done a good job? Have I neglected my husband too much while focusing on babies/toddlers/pre-k'ers? At this point, I think I have more questions than answers.
One thing that I do have however, is a glimpse as to why I have been unsettled. I can see now that I have been searching for my new place...for my new role. I still don't know what that is. I still am apprehensive about making the wrong decisions. I still want to do what is best for my family.
Now that I see the closing of an old chapter and the beginning of a new one, I pray that I can celebrate my past victories and embrace my coming ones with confidence.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Grooming Keegan
Keegan surprises me a lot of times with his larger than life personality. He cracks me up with his sense of humor and amazes me with his thought process.Recently, we pass the flower aisle at the grocery store and he chimes in with his request for flowers so that he can give them to me. As precious as that was, I told him that just knowing that he wanted to give me the flowers was enough followed by, "That's something that you ask Daddy to buy when it's just you and him at the store."
Well, Kenny and Keegan ran into Albertsons today as Jason, Dallas and myself waited in the car. Next thing I know, there is Keegan running up to my side of the car with this bouquet of flowers. He did just what I suggested and waited until it was he and Kenny in the store and then asked his Daddy to buy him some flowers so that he could give them to me. It was all his idea and his presentation of the flowers was priceless. With pride he handed them over telling me, "I bought you flowers, Momma!". He then gave me 2 hugs and a kiss and then climbed into his car seat. As I enjoyed the thoughts of him becoming a little gentleman, he shouted, "And now you won't spank my butt!"
Hmmm....seems that he is learning early to sweet talk the women in his life before he gets in trouble. I guarantee that the next time he gets into a little hot water, he will remind me of this nice gesture. His wheels are always spinning, that's for sure. :-)
Monday, March 30, 2009
Dumb Blonde
Recently, Kenny and I decided that we were going to refinance our house here in Texas to a 15 year fixed. We originally had plans on selling it in 2010, but the markets are good for refinance, and chances are, we won't sell anytime soon. So I took action to get the loan refinanced from a 30 to 15 year.
Since we've committed to staying in this house a little longer than we originally thought, I've been looking at the house with new eyes. Now I'm seeing all the home projects that need to be done since it will be a long term stay. Things like new paint colors, landscape ideas, and one area that definitely needs addressing are the upstairs windows.
There isn't anything wrong with the windows, per se. They work fine. But the placement of them on the upstairs level is just ridiculous. They are only about 2 feet off the ground. They are tall windows...this isn't a matter of aesthetics. The problem is that with a 3 year old in the house, we can NEVER open them upstairs. It's just too easy for Keegan to fall out of them. I don't know what architect thought of this brilliant idea. Anyway, it's something that we need to get fixed if we ever want a cool breeze to flow through our house.
The other day, I heard on the radio an advertisement from a window company offering 10 windows for $39.95. I was only half listening, but it caught my attention and registered in my brain: 10 for $39.95. I mentioned it to Kenny, a bit perplexed at the catch and he asked me if it was for window cleaning. I said I didn't know and would listen for the add again. So when I heard it again and verified that it wasn't for window cleaning, I wrote down the information and called to make an appointment for a free estimate. All this time, I had been wondering what the catch was. Is this for the glass only? How much for the hardware and labor? I thought that they were going to say, "Yeah, the windows are that much, but the labor is $800."...or something like that. I knew I was stepping into some marketing scheme. But my thought was that if I could get a ballpark figure as to how much it would be, at least I'd know what route to take regarding our upstairs windows.
Well, today was our consultation. Kenny had been up all day and decided to stay up until the guys showed up. I ran out to pick up the boys from Kathy and on the way back, I called Kenny to find out if the window guys had shown up yet as I was running about 5 minutes late. He told me that they had shown up and had already left. Kenny, I'm sure, played the part of "I-can't-believe-my-wife-is-so-dingy" husband as he teased me about my window find. He told me that the 10 windows were $4,000. I couldn't understand this no matter how I ran the math. Even if they were $40 a piece, that only amounted to $400. So what extra cost brought them to $4,000? Kenny actually had to explain it a couple of times until I realized that the radio advertisement was for $3,995 for 10 windows....not $39.95. Uh.......oh........yeah.......that makes sense.........wow, this is really embarrassing......really.....really....embarassing. Well, at least I wasn't there when the window guys showed up. Then I would have had to face that embarrassing dilemma personally. Wow....this is almost as embarrassing as when I walked into that pole a couple of weeks ago....just like this guy.
Since we've committed to staying in this house a little longer than we originally thought, I've been looking at the house with new eyes. Now I'm seeing all the home projects that need to be done since it will be a long term stay. Things like new paint colors, landscape ideas, and one area that definitely needs addressing are the upstairs windows.
There isn't anything wrong with the windows, per se. They work fine. But the placement of them on the upstairs level is just ridiculous. They are only about 2 feet off the ground. They are tall windows...this isn't a matter of aesthetics. The problem is that with a 3 year old in the house, we can NEVER open them upstairs. It's just too easy for Keegan to fall out of them. I don't know what architect thought of this brilliant idea. Anyway, it's something that we need to get fixed if we ever want a cool breeze to flow through our house.
The other day, I heard on the radio an advertisement from a window company offering 10 windows for $39.95. I was only half listening, but it caught my attention and registered in my brain: 10 for $39.95. I mentioned it to Kenny, a bit perplexed at the catch and he asked me if it was for window cleaning. I said I didn't know and would listen for the add again. So when I heard it again and verified that it wasn't for window cleaning, I wrote down the information and called to make an appointment for a free estimate. All this time, I had been wondering what the catch was. Is this for the glass only? How much for the hardware and labor? I thought that they were going to say, "Yeah, the windows are that much, but the labor is $800."...or something like that. I knew I was stepping into some marketing scheme. But my thought was that if I could get a ballpark figure as to how much it would be, at least I'd know what route to take regarding our upstairs windows.
Well, today was our consultation. Kenny had been up all day and decided to stay up until the guys showed up. I ran out to pick up the boys from Kathy and on the way back, I called Kenny to find out if the window guys had shown up yet as I was running about 5 minutes late. He told me that they had shown up and had already left. Kenny, I'm sure, played the part of "I-can't-believe-my-wife-is-so-dingy" husband as he teased me about my window find. He told me that the 10 windows were $4,000. I couldn't understand this no matter how I ran the math. Even if they were $40 a piece, that only amounted to $400. So what extra cost brought them to $4,000? Kenny actually had to explain it a couple of times until I realized that the radio advertisement was for $3,995 for 10 windows....not $39.95. Uh.......oh........yeah.......that makes sense.........wow, this is really embarrassing......really.....really....embarassing. Well, at least I wasn't there when the window guys showed up. Then I would have had to face that embarrassing dilemma personally. Wow....this is almost as embarrassing as when I walked into that pole a couple of weeks ago....just like this guy.
Sunday, February 01, 2009
Angels
As I recall last night's events, I'm finding myself pretty grateful. Not only because Keegan's temperature dropped down quickly from 106.7 to 104 to what it is today, 101. But because I have angels in my life like Briana Moss. Briana, thank you again for being there for this panicked mother. Thank you for sleeping with your phone by your side "just in case". Thank you for never clocking out of your role as Nurse. But mostly, thank you for being such a prime example of what a true friend is. I am indebted and honored to know you.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Mini-vacation
So...I haven't been the best at keeping up with my blogs. And I guess if I were going to set a New Years resolution, it would be to post more often. But since I don't have much to say, I will just post the pictures. A few are from Fall baseball, a couple are from Christmas time, but the majority of them are from our family's recent Martin Luther King weekend get-away to Florida.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Isn't that ironic?
Ok, I know that I haven't posted consistently in what seems like forever. I need to get back on the ball and at least journal things like the event I had not 20 minutes ago. Oh, how I one day will look back on this and laugh....right now, I can't get past my throbbing headache.
So, I'm putting some final touches on the Christmas Newsletter. On one side of the page is a column which highlights some of the big events for us in 2008. I note that we purchased a house here in Texas. I wrote that Dallas started Kindergarten. I typed that Keegan mastered the toilet. And upon thinking of what I could note about Jason, I notice that the dog wants to go upstairs but is blocked by the baby gate. So I hop up from the couch and begin to climb the stairs to unlock the gate at the top.
As I follow behind the dog, I notice that I'm lucky enough to catch a whiff of the gas coming out of her back end..... no wait, THAT'S NOT THE DOG! By the time that I'm at the top of the stairs, I see Keegan standing there naked spreading a brown substance all over his legs with his index finger. In a loud, high pitch tone, I ask what he thinks he's doing.... to which he tells me, "I poop in my bedroom". "What do you mean, "you poop in your bedroom"...where are your clothes?" I then dash to the bathroom to see the toilet completely clean...no chance of an accidental toilet seat rub that caused this mess on my child. So I make my way to his bedroom only to find a fresh turd sitting square in the middle of his room. By now, the dog is sniffing it and going nuts. And I think, THIS CAN'T BE.... I JUST WROTE THAT YOU HAD MASTERED THE TOILET!!!!
I couldn't make this stuff up. I think I'm calling it a night and will join my snoring husband in bed. How he manages to miss these ironic episodes, I will never know.
So, I'm putting some final touches on the Christmas Newsletter. On one side of the page is a column which highlights some of the big events for us in 2008. I note that we purchased a house here in Texas. I wrote that Dallas started Kindergarten. I typed that Keegan mastered the toilet. And upon thinking of what I could note about Jason, I notice that the dog wants to go upstairs but is blocked by the baby gate. So I hop up from the couch and begin to climb the stairs to unlock the gate at the top.
As I follow behind the dog, I notice that I'm lucky enough to catch a whiff of the gas coming out of her back end..... no wait, THAT'S NOT THE DOG! By the time that I'm at the top of the stairs, I see Keegan standing there naked spreading a brown substance all over his legs with his index finger. In a loud, high pitch tone, I ask what he thinks he's doing.... to which he tells me, "I poop in my bedroom". "What do you mean, "you poop in your bedroom"...where are your clothes?" I then dash to the bathroom to see the toilet completely clean...no chance of an accidental toilet seat rub that caused this mess on my child. So I make my way to his bedroom only to find a fresh turd sitting square in the middle of his room. By now, the dog is sniffing it and going nuts. And I think, THIS CAN'T BE.... I JUST WROTE THAT YOU HAD MASTERED THE TOILET!!!!
I couldn't make this stuff up. I think I'm calling it a night and will join my snoring husband in bed. How he manages to miss these ironic episodes, I will never know.
Monday, August 25, 2008
Positives Cancel Negatives
I would be lying if I said that the last couple of weeks have been a walk in the park. Just like eating a great meal only to have heartburn hours later, my days of peace and stress-free living have been replaced by acidic attacks of disappointment and anxiety. I realize that good times and bad are cyclical, so I will ride this season out with my head up.
To negate the events that have me losing sleep, I did have a couple of events that put a pure smile on my fa
ce. The first was having some very dear friends of mine, the Davenports, come for a visit. I use the term "friends" pretty loosely considering that they are more like family. Rhonda is one of 3 other ladies that I keep in regular contact with through bi-weekly conference calls. She is an invaluable friend who constantly speaks wisdom, love and perspective into my life. And while she was here, we were able to enjoy some of the best things in life: Sunday morning service, great food, and an long overdue pedicure.
The other event that really filled my heart to the brim was my date night with Jason and Dallas. They have been anticipating the release of "Star Wars: The Clone Wars" ever since they saw the poster advertising its upcoming release. I told them that I would take them out on a double-date the night that it was released. When the release date came out, they started counting down the weeks, then the days, then the hours.
I started "date night" with Jason and Dallas a couple of years back. The majority of the time, it is and opportunity for them to have an evening out alone with Mom. We normally will go to dinner and a movie and then maybe even do a little something fun after that. Mostly, it's an opportunity for us to just have that one-on-one time that they so desperately crave and need.
During our date, I try to teach them what a young man should do, not just on date night, but on a regular basis. IE: Open and hold the door for his date, pull out the chair, use good manners, etc. Basically, I try to teach them how to treat a lady. Kenny does as well...but they don't get to practice what they are taught with Kenny. It's on date night with Mom that they get to show me their date skills.
Their skills do not disappoint, that is for sure. On our last date, Jason came out of his bedroom wearing his best shirt, hair combed, teeth brushed and proclaiming that he was ready. Mind you, any other day, it would be wrinkled t-shirts, dirty shorts, uncombed hair and barely brushed teeth. A metro-sexual, he is not.
Dallas didn't dress up too much, yet during our date, he brought a huge smile to my face on several occasions. He and Jason would fight over who was going to hold the door for me and when asked what restaurant they wanted to go to for dinner, he replied, "I don't care, Mommy. I just want you to have a lovely evening."
A lovely evening it definitely was. Definitely.
To negate the events that have me losing sleep, I did have a couple of events that put a pure smile on my fa
ce. The first was having some very dear friends of mine, the Davenports, come for a visit. I use the term "friends" pretty loosely considering that they are more like family. Rhonda is one of 3 other ladies that I keep in regular contact with through bi-weekly conference calls. She is an invaluable friend who constantly speaks wisdom, love and perspective into my life. And while she was here, we were able to enjoy some of the best things in life: Sunday morning service, great food, and an long overdue pedicure.The other event that really filled my heart to the brim was my date night with Jason and Dallas. They have been anticipating the release of "Star Wars: The Clone Wars" ever since they saw the poster advertising its upcoming release. I told them that I would take them out on a double-date the night that it was released. When the release date came out, they started counting down the weeks, then the days, then the hours.
I started "date night" with Jason and Dallas a couple of years back. The majority of the time, it is and opportunity for them to have an evening out alone with Mom. We normally will go to dinner and a movie and then maybe even do a little something fun after that. Mostly, it's an opportunity for us to just have that one-on-one time that they so desperately crave and need.
During our date, I try to teach them what a young man should do, not just on date night, but on a regular basis. IE: Open and hold the door for his date, pull out the chair, use good manners, etc. Basically, I try to teach them how to treat a lady. Kenny does as well...but they don't get to practice what they are taught with Kenny. It's on date night with Mom that they get to show me their date skills.
Their skills do not disappoint, that is for sure. On our last date, Jason came out of his bedroom wearing his best shirt, hair combed, teeth brushed and proclaiming that he was ready. Mind you, any other day, it would be wrinkled t-shirts, dirty shorts, uncombed hair and barely brushed teeth. A metro-sexual, he is not.
Dallas didn't dress up too much, yet during our date, he brought a huge smile to my face on several occasions. He and Jason would fight over who was going to hold the door for me and when asked what restaurant they wanted to go to for dinner, he replied, "I don't care, Mommy. I just want you to have a lovely evening."
A lovely evening it definitely was. Definitely.
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